I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
