dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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