I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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