she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
