I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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