I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
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wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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