What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
