woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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