Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
