Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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