Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
