Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize