Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
