do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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