im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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