Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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