He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize