no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
