Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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