I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
