my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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