She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
