Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
