That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
