She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
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