I faked an abortion last night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize