He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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