smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
