very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize