I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
