found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
