ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
