I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
