you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
