Umm I'm too high to move.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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