Already got asked if we're dating
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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