I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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