i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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