It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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