Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
