ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
