my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
