Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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