She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize