I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
