please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
