i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
as a side note pls kill me
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