let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
