I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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