he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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