i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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