I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
