Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
