Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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