You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
