Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
