I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Randomize
