I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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